HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
