Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
