Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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