connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My bed smells like the plague
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
