Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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