Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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