so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
