I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
