bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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