he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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