It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
