Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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