no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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