i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
