I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
