Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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