College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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