I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
