I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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