paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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