if only i could text you this smell
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
