nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
