my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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