I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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