watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
