when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
