If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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