i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think we might need a safe word for this...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
