We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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