I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
