I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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