I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
