She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
