I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
