I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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