I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
