I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
