let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
