shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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