I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
