i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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