i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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