He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
