this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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