Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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