Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
