random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
