Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
