Your face is a jimmy john
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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