Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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