She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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