Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
