I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
