the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
