Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
