I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
