bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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