i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
