She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
