I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
