u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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