my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
