I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
