garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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