I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
