i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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