So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
