look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
