My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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