This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
