my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
