Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
