They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
