If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
