She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
